The title of this course is Recursive Structures as we all know. But I don't think that we get how much of a recursive structure this class truly is. At least I don't/didn't. At the beginning of the semester, Dr. S. started the class by asking us about our dreams and had us describe them to the class.
I spoke about a recent dream I had had of the interview process of my future (hopefully) job. This dream as some of you may remember was very similar to Alice's trial in front of the Queen of Hearts. It was horrifying! I was asked all of these questions that I should have known the answers to but couldn't get them out. My inquisitors were people that I previously knew and should not have been a part of this particular journey in my life. Over the course of the semester, I have often thought about this dream job but never have I dreamed about it again. Until last night!
Last night I had a dream that was remarkably similar to the one that I had at the beginning of the semester. I think that it is very ironic that this should be the dream that I have before I write my last blog of the semester. Last night, I had been debating what to write in my summation blog but hadn't even considered using my dream at the beginning of the semester as inspiration. But now I can see that even though I didn't consciously choose to use it, my subconscious had other plans. My dream was not completely the same as it had been before but the general theme was very similar. I was in the interview portion of my job application and it was like I was on trial where there was multiple lawyers cross-examining me about subjects that I had never heard of! This is really not in line whatsoever with the position that I would someday like to have. I have been a part of the organization for over 5 years and am quite knowledgeable about the ins and outs of it. It is highly unlikely that when the interview happens in real life that I will not know or else have a good idea of the answers for the questions put to me.
While considering these two dreams, I have started trying to remember the various dreams that I have had throughout this past semester. Now I haven't done like most people (specifically my grandma) say you should and wrote down all of my dreams right after waking. This being said, I don't truly remember the details of most of my dreams this semester but looking back it seems like I have had more than my fair share of dreams that have caused me to either lose sleep or scratch my head in amazement that my mind could come up with something so bizarre.
When waking from these dreams, I have often wondered why I had them. The questions that ran through my head in trying to figure it out did not provide any answers. Had I had too much caffeine the night before? Did I truly want that ex-boyfriend back in my life? Did I really want to go vacation in Budapest? The answer to these questions in my waking state was unequivocally no to all of the questions and the many more that I did not just list. Oh the sleep that I lost in pondering these questions! I now realize that the cause for all of these dreams can probably be linked directly back to this class.
While none of my dreams were directly related to the contents of the books we read or the discussions we had, I think that they put me into the mind of recursive structures. The possibility that most directly links to this idea is the question of the ex-boyfriend. I will grudgingly admit that quite a few of these dreams (aka nightmares) centered around one of my more unsuitable exes. It really bothered me that maybe on some level I wanted him back in my life but I have firmly dismissed this as an even remote possibility. Instead I now see that he was representing the recursive cycles in life. I am approaching a similar stage in my life when I was with that one particular ex. This has to explain why he has played such a huge role in my recent dreams. Thus it makes sense that he would pop up in my dreams as I prepare to graduate from MSU in May, just as I was preparing to graduate from high school when we were together.
This has been a very roundabout way to prove that the recursive structures and stories within stories that we have examined this semester truly do happen in our every day life. We just don't know it! But now that I do consciously know why he has plagued me, maybe I can get some more sleep so I'm ready for all of my finals. Fingers crossed!
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